Calvin and the Babysitter of Terror
by PurpleRose15
Summary: Calvin's world is turned upside down when he gets a new babysitter...but this one has no time for tricks. Can Calvin and Hobbes work together to outsmart the tyrannical terror? ON HIATUS INDEFINITELY


"Free at last! Free at last!" Calvin cheered as he ran off the school bus. The weekend was finally here and he'd have all the time in the world for doing absolutely nothing at all. "Captain Napalm, here I come!"  
"He ran through the yard, up the steps and was about to open the door when he remembered something. "That stripey bunch of flea bait is going to be waiting to pounce on me!" he muttered. Calvin got an idea. Maybe he'd use the back door today. Just as he was walking back down the steps, he heard rusting in the bushes. The rustling got louder and louder as he walked faster and faster. "I'm onto you, monsters!" Calvin yelled as he broke into a near sprint. Somehow he just knew they'd bound to be getting more creative in their hiding spots. The bushes would be a perfect place for them- dark, moist and secret.  
""YAAAHHHHH!" As Calvin was about to push the door open, he was knocked over by a powerful force landing on top of him.  
""Get off me, you moron!" Calvin yelled. As he struggled to pick himself up from the rose bushes, he noticed that he was already covered in dirt.  
""Hoo hoo! Boy, life gets a lot more exciting when you come home!" Hobbes grinned.  
"It'll be a lot more exciting when I get you for this!"  
"For goodness sake, Calvin," Mom said, standing in the doorway. "Next time use the front door. Now hurry up and come inside."  
"Phooey," said Calvin. "Life is short, and she spends it worrying about shrubbery that will just die in three years."  
"Honestly, how do you get so dirty?" Mom asked, helping Calvin with his coat. "You should be more careful. You'll start tracking mud all over the carpet."

"Don't blame me! Blame Hobbes! He's the one who pounces on me! Even though I ASKED him not to this morning," he added, giving his stuffed friend a glare.  
"Well, it doesn't matter." Mom sighed. "You'd better take a bath anyway. That way I can get in after you're done."  
"A BATH? NOW?"  
"Calvin, weren't you listening to me last night? Your dad and I are attending a function for your dad's office. You're going to have a babysitter this evening."  
"A babysitter-oh no, not ROSALYN?" Sure, Calvin was the master of playing tricks on Rosalyn. But that didn't make her any more fun!  
"Actually, no," his mom said with the slightest flicker of a smile. "Rosalyn is away at college now, so we got someone new."  
"Whoa! Not Rosalyn! I mean-hooray! Thank you thank you thank you! Did you get someone awesome?"  
"So I've asked Riley to come watch you. And I want you on your best behavior tonight. It's her first time and I'm sure she's anxious about the whole thing."  
Calvin was furious. "Anxious? What would she have to be anxious about? I'm a perfect angel! My babysitters just don't understand me  
"Oh boy! A new babysitter!" Calvin frowned. "What if she's just like Rosalyn? What if she's Rosalyn's twin sister in disguise? Hobbes, you know what to do."  
Hobbes, knowing where this was going, followed Calvin up the stairs.

"This emergency meeting of G.R.O.S.S., or Get Rid of Slimy Girls, will now come to order," Calvin announced. He and Hobbes were sitting under the cardboard box, clearly labeled G.R.O.S.S., in his bedroom. Dictator-for-life Calvin presiding, President and First Tiger Hobbes looking on. Now, the first order of business-"  
"Is to award demerits to the Dictator-for-Life," Hobbes cut in. "GROSS meetings don't have anything to do with babysitters! Older girls don't qualify as they don't have  
"Oh, be quiet, you. Riley is just as much a girl as Susie! It's crucial that we ambush her as soon as possible to let her know who's boss. Check the water balloon arsenal, would you?"  
Hobbes flipped through a blue notebook, labeled Club Charter. "Useful Information. Page 2, section 1: Supplies. Water balloons: None left as of August 31, 1989. No urgent demand to resupply due to upcoming weather conditions."  
Calvin sighed. "Darts?"  
"All darts removed from the premises by order of Calvin's father as of July 31.''  
"Phooey. Well, we still have our other tricks. We don't need stuff to outsmart a babysitter." He thought a moment. "What tricks do we have written down in the log?"  
Hobbes flipped a couple more pages until he landed on one. "Flushing Rosalyn's notes down the toilet, tying Rosalyn up, locking Rosalyn out of the house, that was a good one...running away from Rosalyn dressed as Stupendous Man and sneaking inside...okay, that was a terrible idea-"  
"Hey! No editorials!"  
Hobbes paused. "There's something else written here," said Hobbes. "Being nice to Rosalyn and earning a game of Calvinball in the evening."  
"I must have cheese wax in my ear. I thought you said we could be nice."  
"Just a thought," Hobbes mentioned, rolling his eyes. "Heaven forbid we should make your parents happy and make the babysitter like us more." Calvin glared. "What do you mean, like us more? Do you WANT her to like us?"  
"Well, us tigers are irresistible to the ladies." He sniffed. "Then again, the smell of little boys is a turnoff. You might as well forget being nice, anyway. It would never get rid of the little-boy smell.''  
"Hey!" Calvin lunged. "That's what you think, you…"  
Hobbes didn't respond. "Us tigers, though, we're perfect for smooching! We can't resist female charms!"  
Calvin gasped. "You want a smooch from the BABYSITTER? Over my dead body!"  
That did it. They began to fight, rolling over and biting each other.  
"Well, at least I don't have little boy smell!"  
"That's what you think! You smell like wet dog, only worse…wet tiger! Yeah!  
"Muffin brain!"  
"Fuzz face!"  
"Calvin! I don't hear the water running!"  
"Calvin and Hobbes abruptly stopped fighting. "Oh, phooey, I need to take a bath!"  
"You sure need it. You look like you've been fighting."  
"I'm sorry, old buddy. We're in this together. Let's call a truce and work on getting through this evening together, ok?"  
"Truce," said Hobbes, shaking Calvin's outstretched hand.  
"What a great club!" Together they went into the bathroom, to mull over more plans for Riley's visit.

"Hello, Riley," Mom said. "Thank you for coming on such short notice."  
"Oh, it's no trouble really," said Riley. "It's worth it for extra money."  
"Speaking of…" Mom said. "Honey, do you have Riley's cash advance?" she called to her husband?  
"An advance?" said Riley. "I don't ask for more than the asking price. It's no problem." Mom looked shocked.  
"She'll never know what hit her,'' Calvin said. He and Hobbes watched the exchange downstairs with smirks on their faces. They were experts by now. He snuck downstairs to greet the new sitter.  
Calvin's mom turned and headed out the door. "You must be Calvin," said Riley. She was a head smaller than Rosalyn was with similar blonde hair. Was she Rosalyn's sister?  
"Oh, really? We'll see about that. See, I'm the babysitter, and you have to obey my rules."  
"Calvin subtly nodded to Hobbes, who was perched at the top of the stairs with a bucket of water. Not just water, but a sticky substance of quick-drying glue, mud, and water from the upstairs toilet that hadn't been used in some time.  
"Okay…Calvin…Calvin!" Calvin snapped to attention.  
"Rosalyn told me all about you, and I want to see you behave tonight. I'll have no problem telling your parents all about what happened if you try pulling anything, got it?"  
"Suddenly a breeze flew in from the window. It wasn't much, but it was enough to knock Calvin's bucket sideways. His messy mixture landed right on Riley's head.  
"Riley stood there, seething and dripping wet. Her eyes darted to the top of the stairs, where a stuffed animal was perched.  
"Is that your tiger?"  
"Of course! Who else would it be?"  
"So that's the little guy who made you get into so much trouble with Rosalyn. Well, I think you'd better watch yourself," Riley warned, giving Hobbes the stink-eye. "No matter. It's homework time. Get to it, buddy."  
"What...Homework?" Calvin shouted, appalled.  
Riley's angry eyes made it clear that she wasn't going to take no for an answer. Calvin trudged up the stairs, his faithful tiger in tow.

 **This is my third CH story. I just kind of dug this up, so I don't know where it's going yet. I might update soon, or I might not, it really depends, but keep an eye out. A vengeful prank war might be coming...**


End file.
